Maybe you’ve read The Secret, tuned in to manifestation podcasts like Gabby Bernstein’s Dear Gabby or Lacy Phillips’ Expanded, or gone on a TikTok #manifestation binge. Chances are, you have, at some point, heard awe-inducing stories about people manifesting their dream job, financial success, a new home, or even a romantic partner. Even celebrities like Ariana Grande, Drake, and Oprah have spoken (or sang, in our girl Ariana’s case) on the power of manifestation. So why not harness this power in the bedroom?
Get to Know Yourself
Mindset and manifestation coach Efia Sulter’s method begins with getting to know yourself, who you want to be, and what your values are. While many people skip this step and dive right into setting intention, Sulter believes the self-discovery phase is crucial because it keeps you grounded if (when) challenges come up. In this case, you’ll want to get to know yourself in the bedroom. “Whether you’re single, dating, or in a relationship, improving your sex life has to begin with you,” Sulter said. Amen to that, right?
Ask yourself these questions: What is your relationship with sex? What are your wants and needs? What turns you on? Not sure? You can also learn a lot about yourself through self-pleasure. “If you make your pleasure and your orgasm your responsibilities, then you can create an environment and the kind of partnership that will allow and support that,” Rauschenberg explained. Sulter dedicates her entire Sunday to solo time, “setting up [her] space with candles and listening to [her] ‘seducing myself’ playlist while dancing around [her] bedroom in [her] underwear.” (*Cancels Sunday plans*)
Source: Sabina Tone | Unsplash
Look Back on the Past
It is equally important that you reflect back on past experiences, too, as these all impact who we are in the present moment. Rauschenberg reminded us that “the pain, shame, and heartache we carry, including conditioning from religious beliefs or family of origin about the meaning and value of sex, can create barriers to true sexual connection and pleasure.” We have to take time to unblock these barriers in order to open up opportunities for new, healthier experiences.
Looking back on past experiences can also help you determine what it is that you want. What experiences do you want to create more of? Which do you want to release? “While your sex life may not be at the place you’d like it to be yet, you can feel those feelings now, and when you act from that place, magic begins to happen,” Sulter said. If this phase of self-discovery and reflection has you feeling overwhelmed or disenchanted, she also recommended “taking some time to be intentionally celibate.” “It sounds counterproductive,” she said, “but trust me on this.”
Get Clear on Your Intentions
Alright, now it’s time to set those intentions. Once you have reflected on your past and gotten to know yourself on a deeper level, you will have a much clearer outlook on what your ideal sex life looks (and feels) like. Sulter recommended scripting, or “writing your dream future in the present tense,” exactly what you want your sex life to be like. “Be specific about the feelings,” she advised, “because that’s what helps you shift from wishing about something to actually making it happen.”
Like we said, manifestation requires action, and “when you’re clear on what you actually want, it’s much easier to then open up a conversation with other people and begin to gently make changes,” Sulter said. Identifying what you want to experience and what you want to feel more of is key in manifesting. Set those intentions and “choose a partner who supports this in you and you in them,” Rauschenberg said.
Source: Karolina Grabowska | Pexels
Embody Your Desires
After you’ve identified the feelings you desire, start to embody them. “When you can access and hold that state, you indicate to the universe, ‘more of this!’” Sulter explained. This practice of embodiment will help you attract experiences to keep you in that state.
Manifestation is very much a mind-body practice, so lean into any rituals that help you establish this connection. That could mean journaling, breathwork, meditation, exercise, mirror work, or simply going outside for a walk without your phone. Just like you wrote about your manifestation in the present tense, practice feeling it in the present tense, too.
Experiment With Crystals and Oils
“Grounding stones and oils with a feel and fragrance that you enjoy will encourage you to use your senses,” Rauschenberg said, which is a direct ticket to embodiment. Sulter recommended rose quartz, which is known as the crystal of love, but she also suggested “picking a scent or a crystal that you feel drawn to, then looking up its properties to see what you were led there.” I’ve started dipping my toe into the crystal world and was pulled toward a stone with an orange-red-brown hue, later learning that it was Carnelian, a stone that is said to boost sexual energy and improve your sex life by activating the sacral chakra. Agate, citrine, goldstone, and orange calcite are also known for improving sex, love, and intimacy.
Essential oils can be used to enhance your sexual experience with yourself, with a partner, or in your visualization and embodiment practices. Sulter recommended “lovingly massaging the oil into your body starting from the bottom of the feet, slowly working all the way up to the head.” You can use almond, grapeseed, or coconut oil—or any oil that puts you in the mood.
Make it a Habit
The power of these tools will grow exponentially if you ingrain them into your routine. “Having a solid relationship with your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual body requires daily practice,” Rauschenberg stressed. The more you lean into these practices, the greater results you will see, and that’s when it starts to feel like magic. “When you begin to make raising your energy each day a conscious practice, it has the ability to shift your entire world,” Efia said from experience. She uses these tools to manifest her own dream life and to help her clients do the same.
While making it a habit is important, Sulter said “there are specific times of year that some deem to be more powerful than others, like the new moon for setting intentions and the full moon for releasing and letting go.” So if you’re looking for an excuse to start, check the next full or new moon. Rauschenberg also suggested tapping into your astrological chart and working with an expert to determine “where your sun, moon, and rising reside, among other things” that will help you enhance your manifestation practice. But remember, it’s up to you to decide what time works best for you. You are in full control of your manifestations, and your thoughts really can become your reality.
By getting to know yourself, reflecting on your past, setting your intentions, embodying what you desire, and creating daily rituals, you can manifest the sex life you truly desire.
